Saturday, March 28, 2009

see rock city

destination #2: lookout mountain, georgia
nicknames: rock city
fun fact: over 900 barns in 19 states have "see rock city" painted on their roofs
well known rock city dwellers: this guy

after hitting the big city of nashville, it was time to try the slower paced life of lookout mountain, georgia. lookout mountain, georgia, is home to...well, lookout mountain and rock city. turns out the residents of lookout mountain, georgia are a bunch of stinkin liars, cause lookout mountain isn't a mountain at all, but a large hill plateau.

residents of lookout "mountain", georgia: 0
wikipedia: 1

although rock city appeared to be rather rocky.

anyway, despite the fact that it is NOT a mountain, it was all rather beautiful. i made the trek with my surrogate family, and my best baby buddy diana*. we were greeted by the local mayor of lookout mountain, mr. l.z. stinker. a city ran by a pig. no wonder they think that hill is a mountain.

despite the lack of a real mountain AND the mayoral pig, we continued on with our visit. we had heard rumors of being able to see 7 states from the summit of lookout mountain, a village of mother goose come to life, a 1,000 ton balancing rock and a ledge that caused people in love to jump to their death. wanting to live up to my full baby potential, i wanted to see it all.

walking to the summit of lookout mountain takes you through a lot of caves. caves that at first seemed fun, cooling, natural...


but soon, they started to turn creepy, dark and unnatural. i began to get scared that we might run into bats, or a yeti, or even worse; trolls. i tried to smile for the camera, but i was constantly watching my back.


then without much warning, my family, friend and i were face to face with it. the troll. that coal mining son of a bitch. he insisted i get my photo taken with him, luring me into the darkness. "i have a lantern," he assured me, "everything will be ok".
it was NOT ok. he lead me down a beaten path into a different cave where he asked if i would like to see the mother goose land i had heard about. and i did. i am a baby, why wouldn't i. but what he showed me, i was unprepared for:

i have never learned to read because of this experience.

after escaping my near death experience, my family and i made it back to the daylight, fresh air and uncaveness, only to have this happen...

not cool family...not cool.

oh and i did not see 7 states.

* my best baby friend's name technically have been changed to protect her identity. also thank you to crowolf for your bravery of capturing the images of the mother goose village. your bravery is amazing, and babies like myself appreciate you eternally. you are a true hero

3 comments:

  1. i need more... i need a lot more

    ReplyDelete
  2. http://www.inventiveparent.com/cgi-bin/shopper.cgi?preadd=action&key=BATLWEEB

    http://www.pacifeeder.com/

    http://www.zakeez.com/en/zaky/zaky.php

    http://www.mom4life.com/catalog.php?item=464

    more ridiculous baby stuff

    ReplyDelete